HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO ME AND MR. NEEDLEMAN

musings on seventeen years of holy matrimony and wanting vs. needing a man

Well, this isn’t a great photo of our wedding, but it is probably the best official wedding photo. The photographer was included in the $89 package, so I can’t really complain. I purchased the dress the day before and am not wearing makeup. Mr. Needleman purchased his shirt and tie to match my dress the same day. I’m also 23 weeks pregnant, but the included bouquet covers it up a bit. My abdomen kind of looks like that now even though I’m not pregnant.

We celebrate two anniversaries: one of our first date, and one of this official marriage, the covenant between us and Elvis. We’re coming up on 21 years of the first date, and today is our seventeenth wedding anniversary.

For our first date, I told Mr. Needleman, who came to my house to pick me up not to come inside the fence, but to ring the bell on the fence instead and wait for me to let him in. I told him I had a big, unpredictable dog. This is a line I used commonly with men. He came to my house, a house which I purchased as a 24-year-old all by myself. This purchase would not have been possible just a few decades prior because single women could not get mortgages without a male co-signer until 1974.

My beloved dog, Howard, was young and ran in and out of the house and around in the fence surrounding the house. He would often surprise people who just walked in the fence. He would also sometimes scare the shit out of people he decided were threatening. And sometimes, he’d just jump all over them and knock them over if I wasn’t there to intervene. But I always wanted to let men I didn’t know well know that there was a big, threatening dog around up front.

Mr. Needleman ignored my instruction to ring the bell and wait at the fence, and came directly to the door. I heard Howard barking joyfully. I opened the door. Mr. Needleman was down on the ground, rough-housing with Howard. He told me, “Your dog is not very scary.” When he stood up, he was a foot taller than I was.