MY INTERACTIONS WITH DAVID PAULSON

and why I'm doing the very inappropriate thing of sharing this garbage

I had never heard of David Paulson (except for a different David Paulson who used to be my neighbor!) until he subscribed to my Substack on August 18, 2024. He, like most of my Substack subscribers, was a free subscriber, which means that on that date, he put his email address into the “subscribe” field on my Substack so that he would get my posts delivered to his email. That’s usually how free subscriptions work, so nothing unusual yet in my book.

He wrote me that same day, a private email sent through Substack. It went like this:

What did you think of Oystein’s response.
Dpaulson
Sent from my iPhone.

I responded:

Dear Dpaulson,

Hello, nice to meet you. Are you Paulson David from the ITEA board? If so, someone just sent me a screenshot of your condemnation of Kamala Harris, right next to your identifying yourself as an ITEA board member on your profile.

I have written extensively on the ITEA and Baadsvik’s response, which was horrendously done. Doing it without the DEIB committee was the cherry on top.

If you have trouble accessing what I’ve written, please let me know.

Sincerely,
Katherine Needleman

Then that same night, after his first message, but apparently not in response to my response, he sent me a wall of text with the subject line “Gender Equiti and Equality.” It was about “patriarchy” and had a bunch of quotes, photos, and historical references. It probably would’ve taken me 20 minutes to read, but it was really poorly thrown together, and if you can’t be bothered to spell-check “equity” or write me with basic politeness, I really can’t be bothered to read your diatribe. I just simply didn’t respond, because, you know, red flags.

The next day, he saw my nearly immediate response to his first message and wrote this:

Katherine,
I almost deleted your email as I have no idea what you mean by “Queen of Filth”.
It seems you objected to Oystein’s comments, which I found circumspect within the context of his position as President of ITEA and as a premier international musician. As for politics, at this this critical time in American history, I am opposed to both the failure of the Trump and Biden administrations.
I am in support of the direction that the Executive Board of ITEA is taking. My role on the board has merely been to represent the amateur musician. ITEA has been an elitist organization since its inception. We now have a number of committees focused on redesigning the organization. You can be by sure that there are members who are  opposed to the changes that new leadership, since Gail Robertson, has implemented. ITEA doesn’t control the rules or policies of other  international tubist and eupher organizations. We call ITEA an International organization, but for your information, there are few international members and only 3 members in Grest Britain and Steven Meads is not one of them. ITEA has not been aware of the disgusting  behavior of some of our members and some problematic  Euphers and Tubists are not members. I understand your pain and disgust. I have been involved in Feminist issues for over 50 years. My  graduate and doctoral work was not in music but rather in Ethics.
I am not ashamed of my membership in ITEA, but if ITEA does not implement the changes that are coming from the committees, then I may no longer be a member.
I am a member of several national music organizations and they are made of all sorts of people and they all have experienced the problem that you have found so personal. Few have been diligent to deal with their internal problems. That may also be the case of the Oboe community.
I hope you can continue to be an articulate spokes person on your painful issue and I will do what I can to insist on reasonable changes within ITEA. I am only a board member and am not part of the executive committee. At the same time ITEA cannot stand in judgment of individuals who have been accused but have not been convicted. ITEA can cease participation in organizations that do not demonstrate reasonable changes to critical behavioral issues.
I do not know if you were critical of my earlier comments or not.
It seems to me that you are targeting everyone with your comments. Most of whom are doing their best to make good changes where they have the authority to do so. I hope you are addressing your issues to the OBOE community, as I am sure that community is not immune from abusive behavior as well.
These comments may not put any of your concerns to rest. I wish you the best and I hope you find some acceptable resolution.
David Paulson

I didn’t respond. He apparently was following my Substack for some time (I can see he has opened 66 posts) and left a few innocuous comments, including one about his friend’s $62,000 oboe. I told him I’ve never heard of a $62,000 oboe, and well, it turned out actually that his friend’s oboe wasn’t $62,000, not anywhere close. Funny that I actually know something about the oboe, isn’t it? I might know something about patriarchy as well, but who knows.

Then, yesterday, in another private email response sent through Substack to my post announcing the new euphonium/piano piece the Katherine Needleman Fund for Music has commissioned, he wrote this:

Katherine

Apparently you have applied for a private 501c3. You need a board of directors and liability insurance. With your apparent penchant for shooting in every direction you should be very careful how you solicit funds. You may be setting yourself up for a terrible consequence, as you are clearly naive about human behaviors. My best suggestion is stay the hell away from

The tuba and euphonium world. If Meads knows about your reputation, you can be assured that your reputation will take you nowhere in the euphonium and tuba world. Leadership in the big brasses is doing everything they can to rid the low life from that world. You can be assured that disgusting behaviors infest the oboe world as well and minister to your own community.

David Paulson.

Sent from my iPhone.

And I responded:

Your communications are not welcome. Please stop.

And then I got this:

You are the one who is sending me your invasion of the euphonium world. Drop me from your list. You have already ruined your reputation world wide with the euphonium and Tuba community. Stay with your oboe friends. I offered you some valuable suggestions and then you go romping off into the rarified air thinking you have access to everyone/ Sorry to alter your reality.

Dp

Sent from my iPhone.

And I responded:

You signed up for my Substack. Please leave, or are you not smart enough to figure that out? No one obligates you to read my material. Further communications from you will be considered harassment.

It wasn’t the nicest response, I know, but you know what? I’m not the nicest. But despite not being the nicest, I am also nicer than the average man basking in his privilege on the board of an international instrument organization. Paulson lists himself on his Facebook page as a “musician” and that he “works at Board of Directors for International Tuba-Euphonium Association.” It’s not a surprise, necessarily, because the President of that whole organization, a Mega BFM of Tuba, recently took to the organization’s Facebook page to explain that he’s good to women because of his mom and wife. (Never mind that he had just sat on an international jury with terrible statistics with regard to women and presiding over a repertoire list that featured problematic men but zero women.)

Paulson wasn’t even bright enough to unsubscribe after my last not-so-nice message to him. He was still subscribed many hours later when I went to block him. He still thought it was *my* fault that he was receiving these posts when he himself had subscribed on August 18.

But why do I share these dumb, jerky messages from him, and others like him?

Recently, a man I’ve really respected and been kind of scared of for decades because of a really inappropriate thing he did once that I can never forget completely ignored me. I walked past him, like 18 inches away, smiled and said hi, and he pretended like he didn’t see me or recognize me. He did such a good job pretending that I wondered if I had aged so much in the past year that I’m no longer recognizable.

But I learned a few hours later that no, he had recognized me and was actively ignoring me. He was personally embarrassed by some things which have been on my social media. I still don’t even have the ovaries to name him yet, and I haven’t—but I guess he recognized himself. And I felt bad when I heard that. I said I’d be happy to talk to him about it, but I also learned that he doesn’t want to talk about it.

And even though I felt bad for making him feel bad for about two minutes, I then realized that he made me feel bad for decades and I wasn’t supposed to be talking about it. He never offered me the opportunity to talk to him about it. I’m still not supposed to be talking about it. I’m never supposed to talk about it—and neither are you. There is no time and no place where it is acceptable to talk about gender-based insults and all the much worse things that follow.

And so, I share these messages from David Paulson, not because I’m hurt by them or I care what he thinks, but because they are normal, like that time I got called “fucking bitch” in front of everyone I thought I needed to impress to have a career. They are a normal way of interacting with a woman who steps out of line, who ruffles your feathers, and who questions both her and your position in the Grand Scheme.

This is not a way I am allowed to interact with anyone—ever, not even close. But it’s totally normal and cool for David Paulson. And I’m here telling you my last message to David Paulson isn’t nice, and almost apologizing for it, when his messages are way nastier and sloppier. It’s different standards for different folks.

I get that the way that I call attention to what people are doing and saying is not “normal.” But I’m not apologizing. White men who are still reading, I’m here to tell you that the benefits and ways of interacting with the world you enjoy are not normal for the majority of the rest of us.